Let's play....Who's Gundam Is It Anyway?
by Rabidus Femina
Summary: Hilde, Quatre, Relena, Heero, and Duo play a rousing game of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'. Rated PG13 due to heavy innuendo and crude humor. R/R!


Whose Line Is It Anyway? Gundam Wing style  
  
by Rabidus Femina  
  
The actions and introductions before the 'rounds' for the four contestants were on an actual show once, they aren't mine! And also, all the gross stuff is adapted from the episodes, and they really do say stuff like that, but I think it's hilarious!  
  
::The camera pans around the audience; you see familiar faces: Dorothy, Serena, Ryoko, Goku, ect.  
  
Hilde Scheibeker is standing in the center of the audience, leaning on the shoulder of a poor Oz cadet who looks absolutely horrified to be on TV:: ::sound turns on::  
  
Hilde: So.after the show.do you wanna- ::notices the audience:: Oh! Good evening everybody and welcome to another fun episode of 'Whose Line is it Anyway?'. ::the camera goes to scan over Relena, Duo, Heero, and Quatre. They are the four contestants:: ::The camera rests on Hilde once again, and she continues her introduction::  
  
Hilde: Tonight with us we have: .If you are what you eat; she's fast, cheap, and easy-Relena Peacecraft! .Has anyone seen him eat?-Heero Yuy! Also with us tonight are: .His blue eyes go best with whipped cream and strawberries-Quatre R. Winner! And .He's not only the God of Death, he's the God of Caffeine-Duo Maxwell!  
  
Now, come on down and we'll have some fun!  
  
::Camera pans down as she hops down the stairs and sits behind a desk::  
  
Welcome to 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' If you've never seen the show before, here's how it works: These four will be given scenes to act out. They've never seen any of this and it'll be off of their heads.  
  
At the conclusion of each round, I give out points which don't matter. That's right, the points are like Tuxedo Mask's roses, they don't have any purpose! ::audience laughs, Serena storms out:: And at the end of everything, we pick a winner who gets to do something special with me after the show. ::audience cat-calls:: and the losers... Well, they have to carry the poor bloke out of the dressing room. ::Audience laughs, Duo pretends to crack a whip::  
  
Let's get started with a game called World's Worst, this is for all four of you. ::All four go down to World's Worst step:: Okay, you have to come up with examples of the World's Worst gundam pilot. You may step down and begin whenever you're ready.  
  
Duo: Like.hey, dude.? Where's, like.the ignition? ::makes rocker sign:: Uh.Go Megadeth!  
  
Heero: ::squints:: What does that say? 'Shelf distract?' Oh, well, that doesn't too bad. ::pushes 'button':: ::makes explosion sound::  
  
Relena: Um.am I going to be home by curfew? Mama doesn't abide tardiness, no siree. ::shudders::  
  
Quatre: Gundam? What on God's green earth is THAT?  
  
Duo: ::grabs Relena and drags her next to him:: ::points to her::  
  
Heero: Ahhhhhh! I broke a nail!  
  
Relena: I refuse to fight! It would put all the fuzzy bunnies in jeopardy!  
  
Quatre: ::throws pokeball:: I choose you, Pikachu, destroy that Taurus! ::Duo stamps foot off camera:: NOOOOOO!! PIKACHUUU!  
  
Hilde: ::laughing:: Okay, that was great! But sadly, no points can be added because I've forgotten how the point system works. ::laughter:: This next game is called Film and Theater Styles, and it's for Quatre and Relena. Now, we need suggestions from the audience. ::listens to shouted suggestions, writes them down:: Okay, Shakespearean.ballet.Crocodile Hunter.and Feet of Flames, James Bond.something tells me this will be very, very interesting! ::consults index card:: And your scene is 'Storming an OZ base at midnight.' You may start when you are ready.  
  
Quatre: ::leans close to Relena, whispers loudly:: Okay, got your gun? ::Relena holds up a 'gun':: Got your locking picking kit? ::Relena lifts up the hem of her dress to 'reveal' a 'kit strapped to her thigh', points to it:: Okay! Let's do it!  
  
Relena: ::pretends to cock rifle:: Right, but how do we get in?  
  
Hilde: ::hits buzzer:: James Bond.  
  
Quatre: ::in deep English accent:: ::holds up 'gun':: We'll storm through the air vents, kill everybody- ::does a poorly-executed somersault and points out his 'gun':: -defuse the bomb in the nick of time, and then have wild sex while the credits roll!  
  
Relena: ::clasps hands:: Oh, James! You're my hero!  
  
Quatre: ::runs hand over hair:: I know.  
  
Hilde: ::sounds buzzer:: Crocodile Hunter.  
  
Quatre: ::in thick Australian accent:: Bu' fu'st, we gotta save tha' croc from the clutches of a poach'as net! Ain't she a beauty!?  
  
Relena: ::as Terry:: Wow! That's just great! But let's storm the Oz base, and then you can wrestle her in the mud unnecessarily!  
  
Quatre: ::nods:: Roight!  
  
Hilde: ::hits buzzer:: Shakespearean. ::Audience laughs knowingly::  
  
Quatre: ::thinks a moment:: O, fair gun, so bleak and gray, doth go bang, bang, bang! O, so fair is the sound, my heart 'tis moved to tears!  
  
Relena: ::holds onto his arm:: O, my love; my sweet, radiant rogue, never speak of a gun so plainly. 'Twould tarnish it's very mystique to know it so well! Shh, not a word, not a word! ::shrieks, turns, fires 'gun' repeatedly:: Loudly goes the bullet from metal womb! It's shine does claim my very breath as I discharge it!  
  
Hilde: ::laughing, interrupts with buzzer:: Feet of Flames.  
  
Relena: ::starts doing wild dance steps resembling Irish tap:: Let us go forth, and seize the base! Come, Lord of the Dance! ::dances forward::  
  
Quatre: ::nose in air, hands on hips, dances after:: I come after, Irish lass! I shall retrieve our homeland in glory!  
  
Relena: ::points finger dramatically:: LET'S GO! ::both dance off-screen::  
  
Hilde: ::hits buzzer twice:: ::laughing so hard tears are coming down her face:: That was wonderful! Twenty points to each of you, and seventy each for those invisible guns! ::laughter:: This next game is Questions Only and for all four contestants. You can only speak in questions, I'll buzz you out if you make a mistake or wait too long to reply. The scene is 'Arguing over who will buy milk while in the safe-house.' Begin when ready.  
  
Duo: ::holds 'carton' upside down:: Who wants to go?  
  
Relena: You don't think I want to go, do you?  
  
Duo: No. Oh crap. ::gets buzzed off, replaced by Quatre::  
  
Quatre: Why don't you go?  
  
Relena : Well, why not you?  
  
Quatre: Isn't that a stupid question?  
  
Relena: What do you think?  
  
Quatre: I- ::is buzzed off, replaced by Heero::  
  
Heero: Do you know where the store is?  
  
Relena: ::opens mouth, but not fast enough:: ::buzzed off::  
  
Duo: ::comes down in her place:: Don't you know it's only five miles from here?  
  
Heero: ::nods:: Do you know what I can do with this gun? ::holds up 'gun'::  
  
Duo: Where are the car keys?!  
  
Heero: ::goes to speak, but laughs::  
  
Hilde: ::buzzes him off:: And congratulations to Relena for staying in longest! A zillion points to her and the rest of you can just earn yours after the show! ::laughter::  
  
Duo: ::purrs::  
  
Hilde: ::laughs:: Our last game of this evening is 'Hoe-down,' in which you make up songs to go along with the topic. Music is provided by Catherine on keyboard and Noin on guitar. ::both bow:: What sort of hoe-down should this be? ::audience calls out suggestions:: Okay, tonight, the four contestants bring you the Self-Destruct Hoe-down! Begin when ready. ::music begins::  
  
Heero: ::steps forward::  
  
My name is Heero, it means 'number one,'  
  
Oh, how I like to self-destruct, it's just so much fun!  
  
Once, when I was in trouble, I knew just what I had to do,  
  
I hit the shiny, red button and that's when Gundam Wing blew!  
  
Duo: ::grinning cockily::  
  
Yo, I'm called Duo, I'm the hottest guy around,  
  
In my gundam Deathscythe, I could level this whole town!  
  
Last weekend, I was bored and so I popped her hood!  
  
I tinkered and I altered, fixed and upgraded,  
  
When suddenly I tripped the self-destruct,  
  
So now my days are dated!  
  
Relena: ::smiles and begins::  
  
Hello, I'm Relena, part of the Peacecraft line,  
  
I drive a pink limo, and I think that it's just fine!  
  
I hate violence, 'coz total peace is my only wish,  
  
But when I'm around Lady Une, I just wanna kill that bitch! ::laughter::  
  
Quatre: ::smiles nervously and sings::  
  
I am Quatre, my middle name's really long  
  
I love my fellow pilots, but we just don't get along!  
  
I really just want, to live in perfect harmony,  
  
But that doesn't always work, and so I go crazy!  
  
All: Soooo I go craaaazy! Yee-haw!  
  
Hilde: ::leaning against the desk, crying:: Bravisimo. You are each awarded 100 points. That means the winner of tonight's game is a tie between Duo and Relena! You will read the credits tonight as a girlfriend reading her boyfriend's little black book and her boyfriend, who is denying it! This is Hilde Sheibeker, saying 'Goodnight': Goodnight!  
  
::theme song plays, credits roll transparent over the screen::  
  
Relena: ::gasps:: Dr. J, Sally Po?!  
  
Duo: ::grinning:: Oh, she was goood-I mean! I love only you, my little Zelgadis Greywords!  
  
Relena: ::growls and continues:: Tenchi Masaki, Son Gohan, Gene Starwind?! Honey, how could you!?  
  
Duo: Really, those are my poker buddies, really they are!  
  
Relena:: WITH LITTLE PINK HEARTS AROUND THEM?! Oh my gosh! Ayeka Masaki, Sazuka, Misty, Brock, and Ash!?  
  
Duo: Oh, Akane Tendo, that's not true! You know I have a thing against pink!  
  
Relena: Well, maybe you don't, but I do.but.anyway! I don't have flings with-JIM HAWKING!?  
  
Duo: He's just a friend, I swear!  
  
Relena: Serena, Lita, Amy, Rei, Mina, Haruka, Michiru, and Setsuna!? All of them!?  
  
Duo: Buddies from high school! You know that!  
  
Relena: ::continues reading off names until the credits end:: ::'slams book shut':: THERE! I'M CALLING ALL OF THESE GUYS!  
  
Duo: ::grins:: Go ahead, I've been planning an orgy, you're invited too!  
  
Relena: ::pretends to throw black book at him and storms off::  
  
::raucous laughter::  
  
::HAT TRICK PRODUCTIONS::  
  
~~~~ THE END ~~~~ 


End file.
